The Restless Soul is Searching

I realized that after Wednesday night I confide a lot in my best friend Nikki, and for that, I am eternally grateful. She has done so much, not only with but for me, that I cannot repay her. Not to lie to myself, but I have a handful of best friends, and I can trust them with anything and everything.

(1,000 times I’ve fell/Still your mercy remains/Should I stumble again/Still I ‘m calling your grace/Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades/Never-ending your glory goes beyond all fame/Your will above all else/My purpose remains/The art of losing myself/In bringing you praise/Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades/Never-ending your glory goes beyond all fame/My hear and my soul/I give you control/Consume me from the inside out...)

When I cannot find someone to tell, to talk to, to let it all out I realize how much I've become introverted on some things more than I used to be. It is slowly scaring me to silence. Which is unnatural for the girl who can talk to a brick wall.

I remember making a choice just over a year ago now.
And you know what, it'd days like today where I wish I could repair that trust and everything... but, she's changed. I've changed. And that's what gets to me.

I want to openly thank Nikki. I love her to death.
Rachael too, and Katie, and Katherine Jean (even though she was just in an accident), Katelyn and Adam too. Outside of that, Mycah, Emily and Angel, you guys are spectacular too.

-Much love
-C

Life Lesson #428

I didn't realize how much my friends mean to me tonight.
(And not just in a tangible way where I know they'll be there tomorrow and the next day and the day after that but in a way that I can fight with them and argue with them and still have that intense friendship right afterwords.)
I was given insight into a 'new' friends life tonight. And I don't think I have room to complain about anything anymore. Not because his life sucks, but because of how much he keeps it all in. He's failing classes. He's got a crappy GPA. He's got a idiotic sister who ran off and had an abortion without anyone knowing only to be found by the police/FBI later. (Idiotic for running off and not telling anyone, make your own opinions on the abortion side) He's stuck on school to job to homework to nightmares about calculus and programming classes and anything school related. He doesn't want to go to church anymore because he just doesn't believe in it anymore...

And in the midst of him venting this at me I realized that I don't know much about 85% of the people I spend most of my time with.
It's like a light came on (and yes I know how cliche that is...) and now I can't shut it off. These people that I've spent a little more than a year with and I know maybe their birthdays, mostly with the help of Facebook, and/or the small issues that we all have with professors or parents or anything else.
My head hurts trying to figure it all out. And who I want to know more about. And who I don't want to know more about.

There's been a huge influx of people coming into my life and staying recently and I'm not sure how to navigate through those waters. I've had the same friends since seventh grade and I've known lots of people (as I can talk to a brick wall) and I've been around a lot of people all of my life. A lot of the *same* people. We all knew each other because we *all* went to elementary school and middle school together and (go figure) high school too! I've always had new people in small pieces, but now, I've had over 20 new people walk into my life in the past ... two weeks. Which I guess isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things. Its just so much new and I like it, but its pushing overload at this point, but I digress...

The story of my friend, who I've learned so much about in the past twenty eight hours, is really opening my eyes to whats going on outside of my little bubble. I've had these situations before, and learned from them. But this is probably the first I've actually written about in the past year since I lost my journal. I want to be able to know these new/old people like I know myself. And love them, mainly because they deserve it for putting up with me, with everything I have to offer.

Tomorrow. Florida.

Tomorrow. I'm leaving for Florida with my best friend. :)
T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W

I'm happy. :)
Like ecstatic!

I can't find a reason to be unhappy.

This is going to be the best ever.

I can't even keep my thoughts in a straight line.




Oh. And I miss my best friend. (Just in case he happens to read this)

Major Excitement!

Talk about an amazing day back yesterday. :)
First off it was my first day back to classes on my second year of college. Which that in itself is an accomplishment. (Several people never thought I could make it a year.. HAHA is all I have to say. I'm doing this, you're not. Now shut up.)

BUT, reasons for the post are numerous but number one is the fact that I won a contest. I never win contests! EVER! But, man was this one worth winning! I'm going to Flordia (with one other person) for free to hang with Barlow Girl. Wow. I'm like amaaaazed. I couldn't hardly talk yesterday for sheer excitement. Now I have to wait on an email, and it's taking forever....

I can't wait!